Do you remember some time ago when I wanted to go a week without a bra and report back? That never really happened because I had nowhere interesting to be that week, so I determined it was better left for another day. Instead of revisiting my experiment, I slowly integrated it into my life overtime. It wasn’t a conscious decision; it just sort of happened.
I’ve gained some more weight since that time (hey PCOS, thanks for nothing) which pushed me into a true plus-size. I was teetering before, but now I sit at a solid size 14. For all my plus-size ladies out there, I realize you must be well-aware of this divide, but I want to explain for those who don’t know. There seems to be a stark line drawn between a 12 and 14. A lot of high-end labels carry sizes to a 12 and stop there. There are more and more carrying larger sizes all the time and really working to expand, but there are still a lot of brands that end their collection there or even at a 10. Then, there are brands that only carry certain styles in plus and leave a lot of the fabulous pieces for 12 and below, which is wildly frustrating. Then, there is a truly aggravating trend that has surprisingly changed my life: the mysterious fit issues in plus.
When I was a size 12, business was as usual. Most of the great things I wear come from Rent the Runway as I’m an avid renter. I have an unlimited account, which means I have a rotating closet. Sometimes you rent things that fit great, sometimes they don’t and sometimes they don’t fit at all. Such is life and one size doesn’t fit all, but I never noticed glaring issues in fit across the board. Then I hit a 14 and my eyes were opened. I’ve noticed that brands that are specifically plus-size tend to have more give in clothes, and you generally are going to get exactly what you expect in sizing with a little wiggle room. All the other brands? Shit show. I understand that for most labels, this is new territory. They’re working out the kinks. However, there has been some hilarity. I rented an All Things Mochi skirt that other day that I could only fit one leg in and I about died laughing trying to zip a beautiful Black Halo cream dress. Yes, it was a size 14 and yes, it was a hard pill to swallow because it was soooo beautiful on the hanger. The real fit for me has been the bust. You never know what the fit is going to be on a rental, and more often than not, if there’s a problem it’s in the chest. All of the sudden, I was negotiating with my tits to fit in a dress, and when things were not quite fitting, off came the bra. Suddenly, I was wearing a bra rarely. It became second nature to not bother trying to zip with a bra because it probably would be easier without.
So, necessity began to change my habits, but the process permanently changed my mind. I started out nervous anytime I wore something out of the house without a bra, especially if it was low cut, thin material or deemed unflattering without a bra. I always asked Dave if it looked ok and he always said yes, enthusiastically so. That in and of itself started to shatter one myth for me: men like bras, especially push-ups. You know those perfectly pressed together tits like mountains peeking through clouds. I’m not saying men don’t like that, but I think looking natural is just as sexy, if not more.
However, you shouldn’t be decided how to dress your breasts based on men. When I started to do this, I definitely got a lot of unwanted attention ranging from lust to disgust. I started to be the giftee of unwanted compliments, hushed commentary from older women and slut-shaming from…drum roll please…mostly women. WOMEN. There’s nothing I hate more than girl on girl violence. Ladies, we have enough shit to deal with in the world, let alone attacks on each other. I can’t even with that shit.
Anyway, that part of the process has been hard, but it made me realize something: no one gets a say over what I wear or how I wear it LITERALLY EVER. I don’t care if you’re the pope. You can take your self-righteous commentary elsewhere. I mean, I can’t stop people from saying things and I certainly can’t stop them from thinking nasty or misguided thoughts, but I can remember that the only person who gets a say in the matter is ME.
And now I’m feeling better. Ladies, it turns out lots of shit looks great without a bra or with a sports bra or bralette. It turns out that busty ladies can pull off deep Vs just the same as our smaller-chested counterparts. It turns out that these rules we’ve developed over the years for our breasts and how they should look are many times uncomfortable, often times arbitrary and generally ridiculous.
I’ve turned a new leaf in my life as of the last few months. I’ve diversified my undergarments and have a whole string of options depends on my mood and feelings. I skip bras A LOT and when I do, more often than not, they’re something comfortable. Again, ladies, the only person with any business in your lady bits is you, so dress them as you see fit. And if you still want to sport your VS Angel push up bra then fucking do it. Whatever purpose undergarments have for you, at a minimum they should make you comfortable or content.
I feel I may be late to this revolution. I mean, we’ve been burning bras and non-conforming for a hot second now, but I want to say this for the women out there, like me, who are late to the ballgame. You do you! And if you’re wearing an underwire bra everyday and hastily taking it off the second you walk through your front door in the evening, I challenge you to AT A MINIMUM wear a sports bra or bralette to work this week and take note that the sky didn’t fall. And if you have a dress you love in your closet that never looks right with a bra, wear it out without one and see what happens.
Tell me your bra-free stories in the comments, please! 😀
Also, if you love my dress in the photo, you can rent it here or shop some of my favorite floral maxis! I found some ADORABLE ones that are mostly more affordable.